toward the emotionally unavailable men, the chronically confusing, the walking red flags? If so, you’re not alone.

After enough situations labeled as “it’s complicated” and nights spent crying and wondering what’s wrong with you, it’s easy to start questioning your worth. But here’s the thing—there are women out there who manage to find love that’s real, deep, and respectful. Love that makes you feel safe. And those women are not magical unicorns with secret powers, they’re just as real as you and me. They’ve just developed a few habits that make all the difference.

Here are the six habits of women who always attract the kind of love that builds you up—not breaks you down.

1. They Love Themselves Like They’d Love Their Best Friend

We’re all great at hyping up our friends: “You’re a queen,” “He’s not good enough for you,” “You deserve so much better.” But when it comes to ourselves, that inside voice somehow always and up sounding like Regina George doesn’t it?

See that’s a major difference. Women who attract soul-deep love don’t just talk about self-love—they practice it. They speak to themselves kindly, forgive their mess-ups, and make choices that reflect their worth. Not because they’re perfect. But because they’ve decided they’re worth treating well—by themselves, and by others.

Pro tip: When in doubt, ask yourself “Would I say this to my best friend?” If the answer’s no, don’t say it to yourself.

2. They Know That Romance Isn’t The Only Love That Counts

Sometimes we focus so much on finding romantic love that we forget to notice all the other love that surrounds us. When relationships fall apart or dating feels like a never-ending cycle of disappointment, it’s easy to slip into that dark place that make you think you’re failing at love  altogether. But here’s a question worth asking: What relationships in your life are actually working right now?

Maybe it’s the friend who always checks in. The sibling who shows up when it really matters. The coworker who brings you tea when you’re having a rough day. That’s love, too.

Women who attract deep, lasting love recognize this. They don’t dismiss the love they already have, they nurture it. They let it remind them of their worth, their ability to connect, and what they truly value in a relationship.

Because love isn’t only found in candlelit dinners and forehead kisses. Sometimes, it’s in shared memes, late-night phone calls, and the quiet comfort of someone who knows your coffee order by heart.

3. They Heal Before They Date (Again)

It’s tempting to jump from one relationship to another—partly to numb the pain, partly to prove you’re still desirable. But women who attract genuine love aren’t rushing to fill a void. They pause, they take a break to process, they try to heal.

And that can look different for everyone. Some choose therapy, others go for journaling. Crying over sad movies and re-learning how to sleep alone is also a way of healing. It’s not glamorous—but it’s transformative.

It’s important to take a critical look at your own patterns, ask yourself the hard questions. Setting new standards should not come from a place of bitterness, but from growth. The goal is not to just move on, but to move forward.

4. They Let Love Be a Journey, Not a Checklist

You’ve probably heard it a hundred times, whether from relatives at family dinners or from the constant hum of social media—that by 30, you’re supposed to have it all figured out: the perfect partner, the cute dog, the coordinating luggage sets, and, of course, the Pinterest-worthy proposal complete with a drone-captured sunset and just the right background music.

But here’s the thing—the women who attract that true lasting love aren’t the ones frantically chasing some polished, pre-packaged version of what romance is “supposed” to look like. They let go of that timeline a long time ago and instead focused on building lives that actually reflect who they are and what they value—full, meaningful lives that don’t revolve around whether or not there’s a ring on their finger.

And it’s that fullness, that genuine satisfaction with their own journey, that draws people in. Their love story isn’t a rescue mission or a race to the finish line—it’s a beautiful, unexpected bonus to a life already rich with purpose and joy.

5. They Have Boundaries—And They Actually Stick To Them

Let’s talk boundaries. Not the Instagrammable kind written in cursive fonts — the uncomfortable, “I love you, but I won’t tolerate this” kind.

Women who attract true love know the difference between being kind and being a doormat. They know when to walk away, even when their heart wants to stay. They teach people how to treat them by… you know, actually treating themselves well.

And here’s the truth: the right person won’t run from your boundaries—they’ll honor them. Real love doesn’t push you to compromise your values; it meets you exactly where you are, not in a place you had to twist yourself to fit.

6. They Don’t Pretend to Be Chill When They’re Not

We’ve all been there—trying to be the Cool Girl. You know, the one who’s totally okay with vague texts, last-minute plans, and emotional breadcrumbs.

But the women who pull in deep, devoted love? They stopped playing that game a long time ago. They’re not afraid to say what they want. Not because they’re needy, but because they know what feels good and what doesn’t.

They’re vulnerable, not performative. And in doing so, they attract people who are emotionally available—he ones who don’t run the second things get real.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Okay, but I’ve done all of that and still end up with emotionally unavailable situationships”—I hear you. Sometimes love takes its sweet time. Sometimes people who seem deep are just good at mirroring. But don’t let that stop you from being who you are — someone who shows up, who loves deeply, and who believes in real connection.

You’re not too much. You’re not too late. You’re not broken. You’re becoming someone who will never again settle for less than the deepest, purest love. And when it arrives? You’ll know exactly how to keep it.